Go Long

Signs that I'm old....

America's Funniest Home Videos is actually funny to me now.

Whenever I run in the neighorhood, kids and teens say "Hi or hey Mister!" to me.

Today these two kids were tossing their football and pleaded for me to catch a pass, so I gave'em the sign to throw it. I scooped it up and threw a beauty spiral back to the them. They got a kick out it. It was after this burst energy I decided that hey, it's a good time to start some intervals!

Chicken booty

Zaxby's strawberry cream cheese milkshake is guuuuuuuuudddddddd.

Two old naked guys both bent over in the locker room as I turn the corner inhaling a strong blast of cologne is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddd.

Numb Chuck

I was finishing out my run today walking down the street I grew up on. Half way down I saw that Mr. J was coming out of his house. When he was younger he was a local police officer and in my young memories..kinda of a hard ass. When I was about 10 or so his daughter was dating a martial arts expert. My friend on the street was learning how to use nunchucks from him. We called them numb chucks back then. I can remember my friend whipping them out and doing a routine. He missed my forehead by millimeters. Luckily all my Bruce Lee movie watching gave me some uber reflexes.

Anyway, Mr. J wasn't sure I was who he thought I was. So I decided to say hello. He asked about my folks, and I told him about my mother being in the hospital, but that she was doing fine. Then he told me how his wife had gone through a lot recently, but that she is rejecting the lung from her transplant. He said in a slow indifferent tone, "They said there's nothing else they could do. It's really hard." We just both kinda looked down. Here I am dripping in sweat, feeling really sad for him, and I just couldn't say much of anything. Then in that strange way people do, our voices went back to cordial or cursory and we said our good day to each other.

Captain Wasp

The other day a wasp bumped smack into my forehead while I was standing still. Three times now bees have run into my noggin.

I made 2 kids cry yesterday. One was mad that I threw my plate in the trash. Go figure. The other got scared when she realized I really wasn't her daddy. She kept aggressively insisting too that I was her daddy, until her mother came. I met her daddy later, and he was not a happy camper.

Driving on base the other day, a security guard was not paying attention apparently, because he said to me, "Have a nice day Captain." Cool! I've been promoted.

Bacooon

I woke up everyday this week at 6:10am. Today I woke up at 7:30 which would've felt luxurious perhaps, had I not stayed up making a salad so evil that I dare not eat more than a bite at a time. This thing has 2 packs of bacon in it for starters. I'll leave it at that.

Three Strikes

Apparently electrical wires can emit a certain frequency of noise that male squirrels can confuse with mating signals. This is when I think of scrat from Ice Age looking at a wire all puppy dog eyed. The squirrels will for some reason eat the housing off the wires. They will eat large portions if given the chance say in an attic. Maybe the squirrels are pissed once they find out it's not the real deal? Anyway, that's what I learned from our housing inspector today.

Long long story short, this is the third house we've tried to buy and things just have not gone in our favor. Big sigh.....eyes forward....move on.

Focus

Running outside now, often in the afternoon. It's a new level of discomfort, being so sweaty,sticky, and hot. Feeling my blood right under my skin working as fast as it can to dispel the heat from inside. Seems one can hardly concentrate on anything else other than the discomfort. Maybe that's a good thing.

Puuuuush

She would take a file about 2 feet long and file his toenails like she was sawing a log in half. He was bald, blind, and in a wheel chair. Yet he would squirm a lot during this ordeal. So she would smack him on the head with a fly swatter. He would guff and spit. She would then return to filing the dragon teeth off his feet.