Chaf

From a Runners World forum post.. cracked me up!

"I'm lactating red now. Wednesday's run started this whole nipple thing. Thursday I body-glided my nips up. Below average performance, they still burned afterwards. Today I cut out some little pieces of moleskin and slapped them on my nipples. Technically they worked. I had no nipple chaf***e. However, I just yanked that moleskin off my nips and the old scabs came off too! I could nurse a baby vampire right now. argh."

As it were....
There in the dibble dibble daaaawwwwp
is a sandwich as big as I can see
with a grassy bottom and ashen top
waving and undulating as I try to float
along this white line
gotta go , gotta go!
Press my chin into THE nothing
fierce in my susurration
There in the dibble dibble daaaaawwwwp

As it was...

He walked in little circles at the corner of the road. He looked angry and hot. Overweight, with clothes that didn't match his face. Was he a stupid man? Was he happy? Or did he just really have to shit?

I sat there waiting for my tuscan herbified cornstarch scowling at him. Inverted with constant pain I guess I felt the need to pad my mental state with lofty and yet cliched questions of morality. Just slap me with some sense of vague reality like that diesel fuel screamer inside a coconut mustard fat butt.

Ok that made no sense.I will agree with you on that.

(said in a bright shiny [yet fake and sarcastic] tone with wiggles on top)
Heres my new book!