Popsicles of Doom

(this post is kinda gross, just so ya know)

First off, when was the last time you were eating and you didn't pull your fork out of your mouth fast enough so that you bit down full force on this fork with your front teeth. Prolly never right? Well, don't, cuz it frakkin hurts! It's a pain that lingers like a tuning fork stuck in your gums up to your nostrils.

Did you know that only brown chickens lay brown eggs? I have slightly green eggs too from a local farmer. I wonder...

Anyway, today was actually pretty warm outside. Say mid 40s. So I went outside in my backyard with no jacket. Felt nice. However, my business in the backyard was not so pleasant. It's not the first time I've done it either, but never at this magnitude.

Owning a pet often has elements that come with it that are not so savory. I've never had a cat, but I know cats like to puke up mutant hairballs in interesting places and bring interesting dead stuff in your house. Dogs have any range of unpleasantries from leaving a poopie stain on that pillow you just happen to roll over on, or puking up something vile like a half digested panty or just stomach juice. Well owning a dog and a yard in a place that has snow has it's own secret horror waiting for dog owners.

We had a lot of snow this year. There has been snow in my backyard from about Dec. 14th. Today is the first day since that 80% of it has melted. That's about 80 days . My backyard is basically a big square about 25x 25 yrds. My dog prolly poops about 1 time a day, sometimes 2. The poop just gets frozen tho because of the snow and low temps. So today was clean up day.

The poop is not always solid. In fact, most of it has the consistency of water logged toast. I'm not squeamish about poo either. Never once did a dirty diaper gross me out. Well maybe that one back in 87 that was sitting outside in 90 degrees and was thrown at my face ( it missed!). I dump out some crazy funky poo from my daughter pretty much daily. So yah, I gots my poopie badge. But man, when you fill 3 target bags full of melting dog poo. It's pretty harsh! lol

Of course my daughter follows me round in the yard pointing to it and saying with such urgency, "Daddy theres another poop over here come get it!" My dog is just sitting there grinning at me. I think of Dug's voice from Up. "I did this for you master cuz I luuuve you!" Hmm I just got some poop on my hand. Mental note: wear industrial size gloves next time!

I was not alone in this venture either. My neighbor has a golden retriever. He wears a scarf. The wife was in the backyard pickin up poop too. Her husband came outside on the second story balcony and said, "haha Nooo he's your dog!"